Sex: When do you go for it?

Lead: Sexual contact is an amazing weapon that can turn against you if you don’t treat it with respect and care!

There’s no proven “perfect moment” to go ahead and have sex with someone you want to have a relationship with, but one thing is certain: You should generally avoid having sex too soon, such as on the very first date, or even in the first few days or weeks.

Sexual contact contains a magical charisma that can trigger a beautiful, mutual communication between two bodies, two souls. Sexual contact needs to be nurtured slowly, and not viewed as an opportunity to get some temporary pleasure.

Even if your desires and hormones make you want to have sex as soon as possible, even if you’re very attracted to someone, even if you haven’t had sex for a long time, you still need to make sure you take the following steps before you have sex:

  • Is it crystal clear that you’re in a monogamous relationship?

Are you certain that the person you’re dating is a good fit for you, relationship-wise? Have you been on at least three dates, and have you gotten enough information to want to commit to this person? Do you think this person feels the same way you do? Do you feel pressure to have sex with this person right away? Have you made it crystal clear between the two of you that this is a monogamous relationship, and that you can trust each other sexually?

You’ll know right away whether the other person is into you, and ready to have a relationship. Don’t waste time with someone who plays games, doesn’t want to commit, or doesn’t show genuine interest. Don’t compare past sexual partners with your current one.

When you spread disappointment and misery, you’ll become a bitter person. No matter how jaded you are as a result of your previous relationships, make sure you don’t bring it up with your new partner. You can’t truly welcome something new and better if you’re still

dwelling on how you’ve suffered in the past. Don’t bring up your ex-partners with your new one. This is really important, especially when it comes to sex. Even a mere mention of a previous sexual relationship can cause insecurity and paranoia, making the road towards a happy relationship difficult to manage. And really, how ready are we to be with a new partner if we keep on referring to our old relationships? At the same time, past experiences shape who we are and hopefully, we’ve learned important lessons, so certainly keep them for yourself.

  • Be in sync.

In an ideal relationship, the two partners are in sync with each other, nurturing and developing their relationship so it gets to a level of maturity where sex creates a bond—a unity—between the two partners. This might mean waiting for a few weeks, a month, or even longer. If your

partner insists on having sex before you’re ready, tell them it’s important to spend time getting into total synchronicity before sex becomes part of your relationship. Rules can only go so far in telling you the perfect time to have sex; ultimately, your own feelings and instincts will tell you when it’s right. Have you really explored your fantasies or the things you want to try in sex? If you’re not in a relationship, you might think you’re not allowed

to explore your fantasies, but being single is actually your greatest advantage.

Write down your 3 biggest sexual fantasies. Analyze these fantasies in detail. Broaden your horizons: think about 3 aspects of sex you want to know more about or 3 new things you want to try. It could be trying a new position, having sex in a new place, or anything else—give yourself freedom to think about all the things you haven’t done. Congratulations! These 6 fantasies and aspects now make up your magic erotic list.

You can always come back to this list and add new things you think of.

When we neglect our erotic life, it doesn’t benefit us.

Don’t worry, though; sex is like riding a bicycle—once you’ve done it, you’ll always know how! Remember to place value on your sex life, instilling it with

interest and energy.

Nikolas Ouranos

Life & Relationship Coach, awarded author of the no1 bestselling books Create Love and How to Create your Life


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