Lead: We should abandon the quest to find our “other half,” and instead concentrate on looking for our “other whole”. When it comes to romantic relationships, two halves never make a complete whole.
Have you ever felt incomplete, or that your role in a relationship was a complementary one? Have you experienced disappointment or contradictory feelings?
In a sexual relationship, problems often arise as a result of both partners’ conflicting wants and needs. In the beginning phase of a relationship, both partners’ expectations seem to have a lot in common, but over time, differences arise. This happens because from a very young age, we’re trained to look for our other half in a relationship—the other half being the man or woman who will “complete” us.
It’s absolutely necessary to reject this old-fashioned notion that’s rooted itself in romantic movies and books. You deserve to be in a relationship where you can be completely yourself, and develop the parts of you that keep you grounded, while at the same time encouraging your perfect match to do the same. However, how do we recognize which phase of life we’re in at any given time, or which direction is best? It’s hugely important examine the fundamental reason for being in a relationship.
The following is an excerpt from Neale Donald Walsch’s book Conversations with God, Vol.1:
“When human love relationships fail (relationships never truly fail, except in the strictly human sense that they did not produce what you want), they fail because they were entered into for the wrong reason.
(“Wrong,” of course, is a relative term, meaning something measured against that which is “right”—whatever that is! It would be more accurate in your language to say “relationships fail—change—most often when they are entered into for reasons not wholly beneficial or conducive to their survival.”)
Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them. The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see “show up,” not what part of another you can capture and hold. There can be only one purpose for relationships—and for all of life:
to be and to decide Who You Really Are.”
It is very romantic to say that you were “nothing” until that special other came along, but it is not true. Worse, it puts an incredible pressure on the other to be all sorts of things he or she is not. Not wanting to “let you down,” they try very hard to be and do these things until they cannot anymore. They can no longer complete your picture of them. They can no longer fill the roles to which they have been assigned. Resentment builds. Anger follows.
Finally, in order to save themselves (and the relationship), these special others begin to reclaim their real selves, acting more in accordance with Who They Really Are. It is about this time that you say they’ve “really changed.”
It is very romantic to say that now that your special other has entered your life, you feel complete. Yet the purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.
Here is the paradox of all human relationships: You have no need for a particular other in order for you to experience, fully, Who You Are, and… without another, you are nothing.
This is both the mystery and the wonder, the frustration and the joy of the human experience. It requires deep understanding and total willingness to live within this paradox in a way which makes sense. I observe that very few people do.”
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Life & Relationship Coach, awarded author of the no1 bestselling books Create Love and How to Create your Life