Lead: In order to believe you can have a relationship with your perfect match, it’s very important to walk the distance from where you currently are in your life, as a single person, to the future, when you’ll be in a relationship.
People on the forefront of self-development tend to agree on the following rule: be and act as if you already are and possess everything you wish. My teacher and the number-one success coach in America, Jack Canfield, describes the above as “Act as if.”
Many years ago, I had a very tough time understanding the full meaning of this rule; did this mean I had to become a liar? Would I be living in an imaginary world?
Truth is, reality is a very relational concept. The only thing that separates us from having everything we wish for is not believing we really deserve to have it.
If any of our desires is ultimately for our own good (and this is something that only a higher power can say), if something is destined to happen in our life (again, this is something that we can’t know), then as soon as we believe we 100% deserve to have what we wish for—let’s say, for example, an amazing relationship full of communication, love, abundance, and amazing sex—and we do the necessary work so that we prepare for it…then it will actually happen!
Feel deep down into your core: what’s it going to be like, and how will you feel?
I’m sure you’re asking: “How can I do that if I haven’t met this person first?” But just by asking this question, you’re already out of your comfort zone. It’s absolutely necessary to leave our comfort zone if we are to create a new reality. If you really want to change, then this is the only way. “Act as if,” for our purposes, means act as if you’re already with your perfect match.
Let’s begin from our home; even if you don’t plan to stay there long, because it’s a very small space, or even if you’re still living with your parents, it doesn’t matter. Just do your best to create as much space as you can, so you’re ready to shout out to the Universe, “Yes, I’m ready to welcome my perfect match into my life!”
Is your bed a single or twin? If so, then one of the first investments I suggest you make is to buy a double bed, or a queen-size bed. You can find many at a very good price, some just as expensive as a dinner at a high-quality restaurant. You want your perfect match to feel
comfortable when s/he joins you in your bed, right? Make sure your bed is accessible from both sides, because you don’t want your partner to have to climb over you in order to use the bathroom. Buy a second bedside table and put on it two small flowerpots, a bonsai (the symbol for development), or some bamboo sticks. Whatever you place there, make sure the number is even. Make sure you don’t pile the table with stuff, because you want your perfect match to feel comfortable when s/he comes into your bedroom and be able to add his or her own things as well. Also, if your bed has drawers underneath, empty them, because they can block the flow of energy and ultimately the possibility of sex. One of my clients had stored the paperwork for her divorce there. A definite no-no.
Observe your room. Do you have lots of teddy bears? Are your educational degrees hanging on the wall? Remember, your bedroom is a place to rest. Clear your walls of everything and fill them up with photographs that radiate love. Find a photograph of a couple kissing by the Eiffel Tower, a happy family, or a pair of swans (they pair for life). If you work in your bedroom, you may want to choose somewhere else to do so in order to avoid linking work with the sexual relationship you want to develop with your perfect partner. If you work and have sex in the same space, it’s as if you’re checking your email while having sex…and there’s definitely nothing sexy about that!
Is there enough space in your drawer for your perfect match to put some shirts or a dress? It might be difficult to create space, but you could look at this as an opportunity to go through your clothes and only keep what you actually wear. Give the rest away to charity. Create space and buy some colorful hangers. Before I met Nikolas, I bought ten wooden hangers. They were there waiting for him. As soon as he saw them, he felt very welcomed. If you want to meet your perfect match, make space for him or her in your closet or in a drawer.
Pick a shelf in your bathroom, and buy deodorant, a toothbrush, a shower loofah, and a razor with shaving cream for him, or a moisturizing cream or lotion for her. Put them on this shelf in the bathroom. Don’t open the packaging, because you want your perfect match to know they’re brand new. That way, he or she will feel even more welcomed and special.
Take a look at your forks, knives, plates, mugs and glasses. Do you have at least one matching set of each; for example, a pair of wine glasses and a pair of water glasses? Do you have at least two matching plates? If not, then consider buying some for the amazing dinners you’ll be having in the near future with your perfect match. Don’t forget, you’ll also need one more chair for him or her!
Fill your freezer with top-quality meat and fish and buy a few nice bottles of wine, as well as soft drinks and ice cream, because when you meet your perfect match, you’ll be spending a lot of time in your home—at least in the first few months.
In general, it’s important to keep in mind that you create space everywhere in your home. I personally have a rule that I have to throw away anything I haven’t used at all in the previous six months.
Begin with your bookshelves and then go through the kitchen. The first time I did this for myself, I threw away six 50lb suitcases of unwanted stuff, and the second time I threw away three suitcases. Anything we don’t use, any souvenirs we’ve collected over the years, only serve to remind us of the past. Throw away or donate anything you don’t use; clear the old to create space for the new!
These things might seem like small details that don’t really matter. But think about the last time you went to an interview for the job of your dreams; were you wearing a bathing suit then? Or had you bought new clothes especially for this occasion?
Do you really think you would have been hired if you didn’t look professional? Act as if, and you’ll be surprised when you see and experience the results!
Would you like to see how life coaching can support you to take your life to the next level? Visit www.jillandnikolas.com and www.jilldouka.com
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JILL DOUKA, MBA, PCC
#1 International Bestselling Author of Create Love and How to Create Your Life
Business Mentor Awarded by European Union and accredited by Coach FederationGlobal Academy of Coaching Director